Friday, November 26, 2010

Las Vegas Part 3: The Conclusion

May 28th- May 31st , 2010

I was awoke the next morning with a horrific pain in my lower back. I was in my hotel room sleeping in a wooden chair. I had a perfectly good bed and a chair with padding and my drunk ass chose the wooden chair. I'll never understand the shit I do when I'm drunk. After stretching out Denise Austin style, I called Jamie. We made plans to meet at the pool again.

Before reaching the pool I stopped at the bar and picked up mojitos for Jamie and I. Usually I drink nothing but beer and bourbon but on vacations I choose to drink the fruitiest most delicious girly drinks. Why not right? When I got to the pool Jamie was sitting with JayBird and JayBirds Wife. They were already drinking. Now I had 2 drinks to myself.... Well,  I thought, don't mind if I do. I pounded one of them and decided to nurse the other. I realized that after only a few minutes that I was shitfaced ... Again.  Looking back on it I think it's safe to say that my BAC never fell below .10. 

Dull and Harpoon arrived around noon. Their entrance was not unlike the pool scene from Caddyshack. They tackled me and Jamie into the pool , spilling our drinks all over the place. I responded to this attack by dragging Dull into the deep end of the pool. Dull can't swim very well and dragging him into the deep end made him squirm like a 5 year old. That's what he gets for fucking with me.

Our drinking became more raucous as the day went on. We were in our final 24 hours and we were going to go out with a bang. People around us began moving to the other side of the pool. This didn't stop Harpoon from hitting on every girl in sight. Dull on the other hand was so shitfaced he passed out on a floating mattress. Instead of doing the friend thing which would be to pick him up and walk him to his room, we began pushing him around the pool using him as a floating battering ram to intrude on other peoples conversations. I did it because I thought it was funny, Harpoon was using it as an excuse to talk to all of the skanky girls in the pool. Here are some conversations Harpoon had with a few girls.

Dumb Blonde: You guys are assholes


Harpoon slapped the drink out of her hand and swam away.

Older Brunette: I think you're friend is kind of hot ( referring to me)

Harpoon: Really? He has herpes, seriously look.

I had a cut on my lip from the fight  a few nights earlier. I will fully admit that it looked like a festering herpes sore.

Harpoon: Hey Mike!

I turned unknowingly. I had big smile on my face with an oozing wound on my lip. The girl looked deflated. She quickly doggy paddled away from Harpoon.

Stupid Blond # 2: I have an 8 ball, want to go to the bathroom?

Harpoon: YES!

That was the last I saw of Harpoon for the rest of the day. As for the rest of us we spent the rest of the day drinking and lounging. I took the opportunity to showcase my Russian skills with a group of Ukranian people that were sitting near us. This was impressive to Jamie because I didn't know how to speak Russian when we dated before. I learned in language school in the Army. I think I could see her nipples get hard as I chatted with them. There are three things that turn Jamie on and that's humor, intelligence and a good body. I was packing all three for this trip.

After roasting by the pool we decided to hit the buffet. I hadn't realized until I sat down to eat that I had only actually eaten 1 meal to this point. When you're in Vegas you really do have to remind yourself to eat especially when you drink and gamble as much as we do.

The buffet was great. Las Vegas buffets are amazing. They have everything from terrific seafood to unbelievable Italian food. I must have eaten 4 whole plates. Once I teased my stomach I couldn't get enough. Afterward Jamie and I returned to my room to change. We had plans to meet my family at "Club Rok" in New York New York. By this time the last few days had now just begun to catch up with me. I was exhausted. Jamie and I took a nap together , snuggling and such.

We arrived at Club Rok around 11pm. I was the walking dead and barely keeping my eyes open. I hung with my family and Jamie for the rest of the night drinking 7 and 7's and doing my white guy dancing. Jamie knew it was time to go when she found me leaning against the wall sleeping. I hugged every member of my family and told them I loved them and that this was one of my favorite vacations. I promptly returned to my room and crashed.

I awoke around 3:30am when I heard something in my bathroom. At first I dismissed this , just thinking that it was Jamie going to the bathroom. But then I rolled over to see Jamie laying next to me. What the fuck? I quickly jumped out of bed looking for a weapon. I didn't have anything with me. So I rolled up a magazine really tight. Not many people know that a magazine rolled really tight is as hard as a rock and makes a great blunt object to swing with. I reluctantly walked into the bathroom to see a sweaty naked bald guy sitting on my toilet.  Holy shit I thought.

Me: You! Get the fuck up and get the fuck out!

Drunk naked bald guy: Wha What?

He said this with an annoyed tone as if I were intruding on him. This enraged me. I walked into the bathroom and swung the magazine at Drunk naked bald guy. It connected on the right side of his temple. This sent the drunk guy off the toilet landing on the cold tile. He screamed in obvious pain. He also grabbed at my legs in a poor attempt to defend himself. I dropped the magazine and dropped my knee onto his spin. I held his head down with my hand. This drunk bastard was not only persistent he was strong. Jamie came walking into the bathroom.

Jamie: Oh my God!

Me: Baby do me a favor and call the front desk, tell them there's a naked drunk guy outside our room.

She ran to the phone. I got off the drunk guy because holding him down wasn't accomplishing anything. As he got to his feet I could see that this fight was far from over. He charged me. I quickly wound up and hit drunk naked bald guy with the hardest right hook I could deliver. He fell to his knees once again. I opened the door and dragged him literally kicking and screaming out of my room. I closed the door and put the dead bolt on. Security came up and subdued the drunk bald guy. They asked me if there was anything they could do. I said no, that it was a small inconvenience and that we just wanted to go back to bed.

My flight was in 3 hours and Jamie and I decided to use this time to lay down together and talk. We talked about all of the good times we had in the past. We talked about the future. I never told her how badly I wanted her back in my life. Knowing all too well that would have pushed her away. I was now certain that I was still fully in love with her. Every minute that ticked off that clock was like a knife stabbing me in the stomach. As lame as it sounds I wanted that night to last forever. I packed up my clothing as she sat on the foot of the bed. Her eyes welling up with tears. We could tell that this weekend had affected both of us more than we thought it would. I wanted more than anything to take her with me. I had been waiting for this weekend for over 2 and a half years and now I had to continue on with my life as if it had never happened. Before I left I told her how much she meant to me and that I wanted to be a bigger part of her life. She smiled at me and said nothing. As I walked out of the room she said

Jamie: I love you... I always will.

I turned and gave her one last kiss.

Me: I love you. I love you more than you'll ever know.

I went to the airport and returned to North Carolina. The entire flight all I could think about was Jamie. What will happen now? Could this ever work? A million questions roaming around my head. I ended up taking it for what it was. An amazing weekend with all of the people I love in this world. I've been all over the world. Mexico, Canada, Prague, Frankfurt, Ireland, England and many other places. But I have to say that this was my favorite trip of all.


A lot of people are inquiring as to the status of Jamie and I... Well I ended up visiting her in AZ  one month later. But that's a whole different story for a different time. I'll post about it later. Hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed living it.


  1. I'm sad this story is over but I'm glad you got to see Jamie again and hopefully things are still going well!! Look forward to hearing more from you

  2. hey man... u r in the army and i completely respect that... however i am shit hammered i proibly had like fuckin 11-15 dirnks and u know im drunk as fuck and im porbly gonna embarass myself but im gonna follow u and i want u to know tht..i respect u and reverything u r doing..thanks for folliowng me and i appreciate i am canadian and we love u.

  3. ya man i appreciate everything you do..some ppl say this war isnt worth fighting but i appreciate everything you do and I believe it is... you guys are amazing and candians support u... u probably dont know what 'coaches corner' is but its a program we watch on candian televsion during the intermission of a hockey game...don cherry is the commentator and he completey supports the troops..god bless

  4. Sounds like my time in vegas...minus the fun parts.

  5. Love your stories! Can't wait for the next one.

  6. Can I help you write and pitch the screenplay?