Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Damn Boy You Got Some Moles!!

August 14, 2008

If you've read " Kilsauce Receives a Penicillin Cumshot" then you undoubtedly know that Kilsauce was having a rough go of it at 30th AG. Immediately following his Penicillin cumshot Kilsauce exited the room reeling and rubbing his ass.

Next up, we had to get haircuts. Now when I envisioned getting haircuts in the army I always pictured the opening scene from " Full Metal Jacket". A line of nondescript barber chairs with scared lower enlisted soldiers having their heads shaved. It's similar to that , but these were civilian barbers that looked like they were born in the potato salad at Golden Corral. Also we had to pay to get our heads shaved....  Yes you read that correctly. They charge you 6 dollars to get your head shaved in Basic training. Isn't Uncle Sam great?

Kilsauce had to get his shaved before me so I stood witness to the massacre that ensued.  I was standing silent watching the masses being relieved of their hair when I heard a gutteral squeal. I turned to see Kilsauce sitting in the chair, holding the armrest with a death grip. His eyes were welling up with tears as the barber went Lizzy Borden on his head. It was a wild scene. The barber was striking down on Kilsauce's head with the clippers like he was churning butter. After 3 horrific outbursts of pain the barber said:

Barber: Whats wrong wit you?

Kilsauce: It hurts sir..... Ahh!

Thats when his scalp started bleeding... Profusley.  Blood and tears came streaming down his face.

Barber: Damn boy you got some moles!!

Apparently if you have moles on your scalp the clippers can catch one of them and you can begin to bleed.  This was not the case. Kilsauce didn't have one mole on his head. The barber and his 3rd grade education couldn't grasp even the simplest of tasks ie. shaving someones head without leaving him looking like a postmortem rape victim.  Being new in the army Kilsauce grabbed his balls and held on for dear life as his head was torn to shreds. Post scalping, Kilsauce ran to the bathroom and rinsed his head off in the sink. The aftermath was not pretty. His scalp looked like Hamburger Helper. Unfortunately this wouldn't be the end to Kilsauce's misery at 30th AG. To be continued...

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