Monday, November 22, 2010

Las Vegas Part 2: Saturday

May 28th- May 31st, 2010

I awoke the next morning in my hotel room completely naked and covered in Cheetos. My mouth was so dry I was frantically searching my room for anything non alcoholic to drink. I was still a little drunk so I had no regard for the objects in my room. Lamps, phones, chairs were all in the way of me quenching my thirst. I eventually ran the faucet in the bathroom and lapped up the water with my tongue like a parched bloodhound.

After taking care of my thirst I checked my phone , hoping and praying that Jamie had left me a message. She did.

Jamie Text: Hey I'm so sorry about last night , my phone died , are you okay?

I responded to her apologizing for my behavior and we subsequently made plans to meet at the pool for early morning cocktails. I also sent a mass text to my friends and family asking them to meet me by the pool. When I arrived at the pool Harpoon was already laying in a lounge chair with three empty cups by his side. Once again I'm not sure how he knew I was going to be there because I sure as shit didn't text him. None the less it was a beautiful day out, perfect for drinking mimosas and mojitos by the pool. Jamie arrived with her guy friends and they we're none too pleased with me. Their body language said it all. I approached them and apologized for my behavior the night prior. They were not receptive. I accepted that and decided to drive on and have a good time anyway.

When Jamie took her T-shirt off exposing her amazing body ie. fake boobs I immediately got an erection. I jumped in the pool and started hugging the wall trying to hide aforementioned boner. I have never been able to figure it out but I always get ridiculously sexually aroused when I'm around Jamie. I think it's the emotional connection mixed with the primal raw physical attraction. I decided to be open and casually asked her if she wanted to go up to my room and have sex yet again. She agreed. While collecting our items in preparation to leave the pool the best thing that could have happened actually happened. A very attractive women approached me right in front of Jamie.

Hot girl: Hey , come to bungalow #5 , we have free drinks for you.

Me: Uhh thanks.

As she walked away she slid her hand over my stomach. Why was this the best situation ever? This hot girl just challenged Jamie to the rights for my penis. Jamie stood there in awe. To be completely honest I was frozen as well, other than the occasional street walker Ive never had a women approach me with such blunt candor. Jamie immediately grabbed my hand and whisked me upstairs for the best sex we've had to date. Afterward we returned to the pool to meet up with my friends and family. JayBird and his wife decided to join us this time as well. We drank mojitos all day in the sun and had a great time. JayBird's wife talked to Jamie all day. They were friends prior to our break up 2 years before , But I got JayBird and his Wife in the breakup settlement (insert smiley face). They hadn't spoken in a while but they fell back into their old friendship with little effort. Everyone was amicable , it was nice to see. The only one that excluded themselves was Harpoon , who lay on a patio chair passed out with at least 15 empty cups all around his immediate area.

Before I knew it it was 5pm. Everyone had left the pool a few hours prior to prepare themselves for the wedding reception. When I checked my watch I was so shitfaced I was seeing double.

Me: I need ta get outta here, my brothers weddin.... You sure you don't want to come?

Jamie was just as shitfaced as I was. She regretfully declined. She and her friends had tickets to the UFC fight that night featuring Rampage Jackson and Rashad Evans.  I walked her to her room and then returned to my own room to change for the wedding reception. I showered and threw my suit on. I was a hot mess. I looked like Dan Akroyd in Blue Brothers. When I arrived at the Wedding my inebriation was obvious to everyone but me. I was using a wall to hold me up as my brother and sister in law exchanged vows n' such. Afterward we sat down to the best 1500 dollar dinner that I've ever been too. I had the mushroom ravioli , yum. Everyone at the table was drinking white wine or water. I was drinking whiskey and sprite as fast as they could give them to me. At the conclusion of the dinner I stood up and announced to everyone that I was "Blowing this pop stand and gonna do me some gamblin".

My brothers friends accompanied me to the blackjack table. Before I knew it I was down 400 dollars..... In 20 minutes. I lost something like 10 hands in a row. I was livid to say the least. My brothers friends had to physically pick me up and remove me from the table as I tried to write the dealer a personal check for more chips. If you aren't Vegas savvy, then you should know that a dealer will not accept a check. I immediately composed myself and explained to the guys that I would take out 100 more dollars and that I would be cut off after that. By my count I was down nearly 1,000  dollars from gambling and I had paid nearly 250 for the pool bar tab. This was not good considering the surprise party for my brother was going to run me anywhere from 700-1,000 dollars. You're probably not going to believe this but I went on the lucky streak of a life time. I hit 7 consecutive blacks in a row in roulette. spread out over 45 minutes I made 700 dollars. This immediately calmed nerves and I decided to quit and head to "Mix Lounge" for the party. On our way we saw Harpoon walking through the casino. He was wearing a bathing suit, a nice button designer shirt, sandals and a pair of aviator sunglasses that he apparently had stolen "accidentally". He was also double fisting 2 bottles of Newcastle beer. He was swaying back and forth as he filled us in on his activities of the day. This included a day of drunk shopping, blowing lines of cocaine off a strippers ass and catching the strip clubs day time buffet which is apparently quite good. At this point I was CERTAIN we would not be seeing him later that night. I was wrong.

When we arrived  at Mix Lounge I was expecting something small like a few private tables and a few bottles on top shelf vodka. I have to give them credit because they went above and beyond for us. They gave us prime seating for 30 + people and 6 bottles of Kettle One Vodka plus mixers for 1,000 dollars. In Vegas that is dirt cheap especially for a place of this caliber.

The View from the Balcony of Mix Lounge

The night was great. We drank, danced and smoked cigars like idiots all night. Jamie texted me through out the night giving details on the outcome of the fights. The highlights of the night were when I saw Dull literally so drunk he was hitting on my 57 year old mother and grinding up on her like it was an 8th grade dance. I chose to ignore that because my mother loves dancing and as long as it wasn't with me I was happy. The second best thing was watching Harpoon attempting to get into the club. I looked over at the door to see Harpoon pointing in the face of two 300 + pound bouncers. I ran over immediately to diffuse the situation. I slipped the bouncers 50 dollars each and ensured them that I would take responsibility for him. He looked like shit. His suit looked like something Archie Bunker would wear to church. His tie was undone and his hair was all disheveled. But I did what I always found was best to do with Harpoon and that was leave him to his own devices.

I wish I could tell you that one of us ended up in jail or in a three way with 2 pornstars. But the nights ending was very anti-climatic. We all went our separate ways around 4am. I shot Jamie a text and told her that I hoped she had a great night and that I would see her in the morning. I also ended the night with my usual ritual of throwing a huge amount of money down on roulette. I approached an empty table

Me: 300 on black please.... Come on Roy!!!

I started screaming as the ball went around the wheel. I'm not even sure the dealers name was Roy.  The little white ball danced around back and forth as it always does and landed on BLACK!


I collected my winnings and returned to my room where I stripped naked and passed out at approximately 4:50am..... Next will be Part 3 and the conclusion to my trip to Las Vegas.
The Cabana that temptress tried to lure me into. Also you'll notice Mandalay Bay in the background. All of the black windows near the roof are in fact Mix Lounge.


  1. Is that some kind of system? "$300 on black."

  2. I'm very entertained by this Jamie saga. I'm glad to see you had great sex again and I hope things are still going great with her! It seems like you two are heading in a great direction :)

  3. I'm jelly, last time I was in Vegas I was 10 years old, my parents locked me and my little sister in the hotel room and went out to get their freak on. I don't gamble these days, anyhow, but I am a fan of strippers/hookers/loose women.

  4. LOL man when people are at las vegas I hear the craziest stories! I got to go there one day man :D

  5. You know a post is about to be good when the opening line is "I awoke the next morning in my hotel room completely naked and covered in Cheetos."


  6. sounds like a hell of a time. very jealous, since i'm only 20 and i don't live in the states