Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Assholes Guide to Saving Money

November 2, 2010

I was recently online browsing through Yahoo! news ( okay I was watching porn ; insert blushing face).
I came across this ridiculous article on innovative ways to save money while "improving" your quality of life. First off if I'm ever on a budget my life is in no way improving. I'm actually quite bored and lethargic. This is primarily because I'm not out spending money and having fun. This article suggests  6 "Extreme" saving tips.  Three of the six aren't so bad. Lets be honest everyone's had times in there life where they've been strapped for cash and couldn't indulge in the finer things in life. But I'm not delusional enough to follow this ridiculous self help money saving program. Read for yourself:

1.) Give love coupons instead of gifts. As you plan your holiday shopping, consider this: Giving the gift of your time in the form of a coupon to take your mom to a museum, or out for tea, can be far more meaningful than buying her a cashmere sweater. Tim Kasser, professor of psychology at Knox College in western Illinois and father of two young children, encourages his family to give each other coupons for experiences, such as favorite meals or back rubs, rather than purchased gifts. For his sons' birthdays, Tim typically gives them a special day with him, such as a trip to the local water park. Estimated savings: $25 a month or more

2.) Eat before you go to restaurants. Ben, a thirty-something lawyer in Washington, DC, who works for a nonprofit and earns around $52,000 a year, buys a six-pack of bagels and a box of tea each week and skips the coffee shop. He also snacks on peanut butter and banana sandwiches before meeting up with friends at night so he can bypass the pricey entrees at restaurants, opting for cheaper appetizers instead. Estimated savings: $100 a month or more.

3.) Substitute fancy dinners with cheap date nights. Dining by candlelight at the most exclusive restaurant in town might seem romantic, but the bill can put a damper on those loving feelings. Instead, try these ideas, suggested by Alpha Consumer readers: Browse a bookstore. Sketch portraits of each other. Take dance lessons. Have a picnic. Go to a lecture or performance at your local college. Watch a model rocket launch. Estimated savings: $200 a month and up.

I don't know what it is. I mean the suggestions aren't so outlandish , I think it's the alternatives to the act of spending money. After reading that I stared at the screen in disbelief and said " What the fuck" . I dislike hippies but I hate yuppies more. If I ever suggested to the girl I'm currently dating that we give each other love coupons in lieu of a gift she would laugh me out of the room. And rightfully so. If I suggested that we spend a romantic night at home and draw caricatures of each other , she would have every right to kick me in the balls. I don't know about you, but I generally go to a restaurant to eat food when I'm hungry. I don't force feed myself PB and banana sandwiches before I arrive and then awkwardly sit at the table staring at my friends while they eat. 

I think I've made my point. If you agree with me then great, if you don't then you should probably remember the old poker saying " If you can't spot the sucker at the table then it's probably you".  In this case the sucker is you and by sucker I mean you are an asshole.

1 comment: