Thursday, November 4, 2010

Knife Fights in Kandahar Volume I

November 4, 2006

Not twenty-four hours after I get back in from my last assignment in Kandahar and the colonel's already up my ass about some reconnaissance mission overseas. That's minor league stuff, and he's bringing out his big guns. He said it wouldn't be a big ordeal.

Colonel: Relax, just a standard in and out job , real basic stuff.

I never figured the colonel for a liar.

Colonel: Oh, by the way, your new partner will be meeting you there.

    "Ptthhhh." I spat my stagnant coffee onto his indignant face, beset with the wrinkles and prestige of an Ivy League politician going career military. He's just waiting special ops out until some pederast senator from a red state can take time away from his busy schedule of whoring and budget cuts to pin a star on the starched lapels of the coach whose quarterback throws all the touchdowns.  It's one thing to send me overseas on a baby assignment, but don't insult me by fucking me in the ass with a babysitting job.You may have earned that bird on your lapel but you did NOT earn the right to make me your black ops drill sergeant.

 Colonel: This is a fine young man. This one will be an operator.

He tosses the soldier's dossier across the desk as he wiped drops of tepid coffee off his face.Yeah, yeah. medal of honor this, silver star that. I'd seen it all before. Some young hotshot wants to play Rambo in the real suck. It's fun for him right until his face explodes from some gook Charlie 3 miles away in a tree hutch with his decommissioned Dragunov aimed right where the kid's face used to be. I've gone through more teammates than 5.56 rounds. After a while, you start forgetting their faces.

  Ace: Jesus, Top, he's just a kid. what's he gonna do after our first mission together, drink his first beer from  a sippie cup? Christ.

 Colonel: You're outta line. The only way to get experience is to start somewhere.
 Ace: That kind of thinking gets you nowhere.

 Colonel : Well it got you here.
 Ace: Listen, colonel, I understand it's been a while since you've breathed in the fog of war, but in case you've forgotten, the downside to suicide missions is, everybody dies.

Colonel  :Well, consider this a direct order. And I will not tolerate insubordination

Ace: Well maybe here with your rules and regulations, but let me tell you about a little place called war. There are no rules in war. Only those who follow orders, and those who kill people who follow orders.

Colonel: Spare me the melodrama. The new kid is yours for the teaching.

Ace:  You don't ask a sophomore to the prom unless you want to fuck. This must be a dirty op.

Colonel:  Filthy. And the president is gnawing down my throat on this one.

 Ace: Well tell my commander in chief, if he wants this done his way, he's gonna have to do it my way. But I'm not gonna be your fall guy on this one. This op goes south, you ain't wrapping this one around my neck in a pretty little bow to feed me to some senate subcommittee.

Colonel: Relax, no one's getting thrown to the dogs.

Ace:  Ha. Last time I heard you say that I almost got rabies.

Colonel:  Well toughen up. This isn't some rainbow candyland with chocolate waterfalls.

Ace:  Hell, colonel, you almost make Iraq sound livable.

 Colonel:  Not Iraq, kid, Afghanistan.

Ace: Jesus, Top. Sending me back into that fly-blown hell hole.

Colonel:  You leave a 0600 tomorrow."

Ace:  No Marriot, I suppose.

Colonel:   I wouldn't book you a motel 6.

Ace:  Oh, colonel, you're making me blush.

Colonel: Just remember, sergeant, last time I checked our schoolhouse was graduating top-tier operators by the busload.

 Ace:  Yeah but how many does Uncle Sam send back gift-wrapped in an iron coffin stamped with a half-a-million dollar paycheck?

Colonel:  Don't act like your shoes aren't so hard to fill.

Ace: Speak for yourself colonel. Compared to my shoes yours look like a Ming Dynatsy Chinawoman.

by Kilsauce

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