Sunday, November 21, 2010

Las Vegas Part 1 : Friday

May 28th - May 31st 2010

Warning: This is a long story. But it's funny and you'll finally see a softer side of me . I think.

My friends and I had just completed what was most definitely the longest most difficult training the US Army had to offer. Needless to say we were looking to blow off some steam. We had spent a few weekends in Myrtle Beach but it was starting to wear on us. I was almost duped into hooking up with two married women, which royally pissed me off. Yeah I like random hook ups but it pisses me off when I see a married women trying to pick up some young strange. Anyway during the aforementioned trips down to Myrtle Beach I spent nearly the entire time trying to convince my buddies to join me in Las Vegas for Memorial Day weekend. I had visited Vegas a number of times but this trip in particular was of the utmost importance to me for 2 reasons. Reason # 1 : My older brother was a having somewhat of a wedding reception out there for my family and his wife's family ( We're classy what can I say).
So this was the first time in a long time that I was going to get a chance to see my sister in law and my entire family.  Reason # 2: Jamie was going to be there.

I've never mentioned Jamie before because it's a really sore subject with me. She's quite definitely the only girl I've ever been in love with . She is proof that there is something other than black sludge pumping through my veins. Jamie and I had broken up 2 years prior to this and it was not on good terms. We both quite literally went our separate ways. She moved to Arizona to be with her new boyfriend and I went into the Army. We talked every now and again, but it became abundantly clear to me that she would only get in touch with me when she was having issues with her boyfriend.  I received a text from her in early April inquiring as to what I was doing for Memorial Day weekend. I informed her of my upcoming plans. Coincidentally she was going to be in Vegas at the same time as me. Not only that she was staying at the same hotel as me AND she had broken up with her boyfriend a few months before.

I immediately jumped into action. By action, I mean I went running and spent 2-3 hours a day in the gym. I was determined to make her salivate when she saw me. I can openly admit that she's the only girl out there that I've actually cared what I looked like when I was around her. Also there is an obvious winner and loser when it comes to break ups and SHE was going to be the loser.

Memorial Day weekend approached rapidly and I was fully prepared to see Jamie and my family. I had three of my best friends with me Pasta, Dull and Harpoon. I had saved 1500 dollars for gambling and 1000 for food and drinks. But most of my drinking money was going into a surprise party I was throwing for my brother and my sister in law at "Mix Lounge" on top of Mandalay Bay. I had a friend that arranged bottle service for us with seating for 30.

The flight to Las Vegas was uneventful. My oldest friend from Los Angeles JayBird picked my friends and I up at the airport. When we arrived at the Excalibur Hotel and Casino we all went our separate ways. They went to their rooms and I went to see Jamie. She was staying with her friends so I thought we would say hello and give each other obligatory compliments and go our separate ways. Boy was I wrong. When we saw each other we clicked. We fell right back into Jamie and Mike mode.  We began taking shots of Jager ( yeah I know insert Jersey Shore jokes) and talking about old times. Her friends began making plans for the evening so I took that as a hint to leave.

Me: I'm going to get going.

Jamie: Ya know, I'm not locked down here, they want to gamble all night I can totally hang with you.

I should have ran for my life. But I was in love with her.

Me: Yeah let's go.

We exited and went to the roulette tables to meet up with Dull and Pasta. On our way we picked up two bottles of cheap champagne and we began to drink heavily. By the time we reached the table my bottle was gone and Jamie was nearly finished with hers. Pasta and Dull were losing and they were pissed off.

Pasta: Fuck, dude, I'm down like 250.

Me: Dull, how are you doing?

Dull: About the same.

My champagne addled brain thought that THIS was a good sign and that putting 300 on black would be a profitable move.

Me: You fucking pussies, watch this.

I dropped three 100 dollar chips on black. I turned and pointed to Jamie.

Me: Oh yeah, hey guys this is Jamie.

They all shook hands and Jamie did a fine job at composing herself even though she was three shots and a bottle of hooch deep. That didn't interest me though. My eyes were fixated on the little white ball as it teased me. It rattled around for a few seconds going from red to black. It finally found its rightful home on motherfucking RED! I felt like flipping the roulette table and back handing the smug dealer, but I kept my composure and acted like losing 300 dollars in 3 seconds was a normal thing for me. Harpoon approached from behind.

Harpoon: You are so bad at this.

Me: Fuck you.

Harpoon turned to Jamie and shook her hand.

Harpoon: Hey I'm Harpoon and I just fucked a prostitute.

Jamie: Ummm.

Jamie latched onto my arm. Everyone stood silent expecting him to laugh and say he was kidding. But he wasn't

Me: What do you mean you fucked a prostitute?

Harpoon: I was in my room and I called a prostitute, she came over and we had sex, it was the best 200 dollars I've ever spent.

Harpoon is a sociopath that uses others for his enjoyment, so this wasn't unbelievable even for his standards. Jamie spent the next hour inquiring about why he would get a prostitute and the logistics of it all. She couldn't believe that one of my friends would do such a thing. I spent that same hour trying to break even. I ended up leaving the table up 100 dollars. Isn't Vegas great? On our way to the cashier Harpoon came barreling by us. We could see him standing at the cashiers cage.

Me: What the fuck is he doing? He didn't even gamble, did he?

Jamie: No he was talking to me the whole time.

Harpoon walked over to us with an enormous grin on his face and a stack of 100 dollar bills in his hand.

Me: What, did you take out a second mortgage on your house?

Harpoon: I just hit for 2,000 dollars on a slot machine!! Fuck you guys, I'm going to Vegas! Oh wait HAHA

Harpoon literally ran off laughing. I was certain that , that was the last time I was ever going to see him again. Jamie and I decided to return to my room to continue drinking. When we got to my room she sat me down and she talked to me about why she made the choices she did. Why she left me for another guy etc. She said she regretted it and wished she could have me back in her life. We subsequently had the best sex ever. We fell asleep. After napping we had sex again and prepared to meet my friends and family at the "Circus Bar".  She called her friends and they agreed to meet us there as well.

We arrived at the Circus Bar and began taking shots with Jamie's friends. After 4 shots I realized that I was shit faced. Jamie was too , she looked like Tara Reid after a two week bender. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Harpoon drinking and dancing with some skank. To this day I don't know how he found us there because I sure as shit didn't call him. But I digress. After an hour my family showed up. We began to greet each other with hugs and kisses, when some guy intentionally pushed his way into our group and started dancing like a shit head. I grabbed him and threw him across the dance floor. I'm 6'2'' 210-220 pounds  of muscle. This guy was 5'7 170 pounds soaking wet. I watched him as he crashed to the floor. I kept my eye on him for a few minutes in preparation for any retaliation that was forth coming. But nothing happened. His buddies picked him up and brushed him off. He moved to another side of the bar. I continued my reunion for a few minutes when I felt something hit the lower half of my chin. It was the drunk midget! That little motherfucker took a swing at me when I wasn't looking! My brother (who is also a Green Beret) immediately grabbed said midget and choked him out before anyone including myself knew what was going on. He literally put the midget to sleep in 7 seconds. It was awesome.

The bouncers intervened and we left the bar. Jamie was no where to be found. One of her friends pushed her out of the door once the fight started. Outside of the bar the midget and his buddies who were out manned , began running their mouth because there was about 15 bouncers in between us. Don't you love tough guys? We turned to walk away when we saw Harpoon bull doze through all of the bouncers and nail one of the phony hard asses. He then let the bouncers remove him from the group and we spent the rest of the night gambling. After that nothing note worthy happened. I tried repeatedly to call Jamie but her phone was off. It ate away at me .  On my last bet of the night I had questions that were running through my head. Question #1: Is that the last time I'm ever going to see Jamie? Question # 2: Why the fuck am I putting 500 dollars on black again? I wouldn't find out the answer to Question # 1 until the next day. Question # 2 was answered when the little white ball landed on RED AGAIN!! FUCK. To be continued.....


  1. If you lost $300 in 3 seconds, how many seconds did Harpoon's $200 last?

  2. I like your writing style. And whatever happened to "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"? You have violated their TOS.

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