Saturday, January 22, 2011

5 Things That Piss Me Off about Air Travel

January 22, 2011

From the title of this post most of you are going to say " 5 Things? I can think of 100 motherfucking things that piss me off about air travel" and I understand , If I were to write about every little thing that pissed me off about air travel then I'd have me a novel that would rival most classic novels.

Most things tend to piss me off anyway so I'm not sure if it's my own delusional negative attitude, so if anyone disagrees I do apologize. So here are the 5 Things I hate about air travel:

1.) Assholes that stand by the gate 30-40 minutes before boarding. I really don't understand this. They all resemble George Clooney from the movie "Up in the Air" so I can only assume they are weary business men that have "perfected" the art of travel. I tried to decipher the reason for this bizarre behavior but have come up short with a reasonable answer. When you board a plane you have seating assignments and boarding groups that generally go in sequence from 1-5. so if a person is going to be seated last why the fuck is standing at the gate, why not relax and have a seat? I don't know, am I the only person that has noticed this?

2.) The look on first class passengers face as you walk by. There are 3 things that first class passengers do as you pass by going to the Poh section of the plane. 1.) They stare at you with utter contempt. "How dare you breathe my air, this is rich people air, now hurry on to the rear of the plane". 2.) They give you the "I'm sorry I'm richer and better than you" look. They briefly make eye contact with you sort of shrug their shoulder as if to say  "Sorry dude , now head to the back and row with the other slaves" 3.) They bury their heads in a crossword puzzle or their Blackberry ad refuse to acknowledge anyones existence.

3.) How slow people are exiting the plane. If it takes you longer than 5 seconds to remove your luggage from the over head compartment then you suck at life. It takes people a fucking life time to get their shit and leave the plane, it never fails to amaze me how unprepared people are. If you're one of those people that ties their shoe in the aisle , then takes their sweet ass time putting on their jacket and getting their luggage  then FUCK YOU... Everyone hates you and wishes there were restrictions against people like you flying on commercial airliners. NOTE: Old people are exempt from this rule because they cannot physically move fast enough , they are not inconsiderate asshole like those other people. 

                                                       Need I say more, traveling sucks!

4.) People that talk to me on planes. Holy shit, I think I attract Chatty Kathy's and Gabby Joe's. When I travel I always bring an IPod and a book with me. I do this because I hate talking to strangers about their lives. It also acts as a deterrent to anyone wanting to strike up a conversation with me. But every now and again you'll find someone so starved for human contact that they'll completely ignore the fact that I want a nice relaxing flight and they'll talk my fucking ears off. Fuck you too... Assholes.

5.) Military personnel flying first class. I know this one will raise a lot of eyebrows and probably piss people off. Okay,  95% of the military personnel you see at the airport wearing their uniform have no business wearing their uniform at the airport. They do it to seek praise, to get free shit and to gain access to First class seating. When I left basic training I wore my ACU's ( Army combat uniform) to the airport because I was retarded and didn't know any better. I refused first class seating and anything that was offered to me. I'm not self righteous , I just felt uncomfortable receiving gifts for doing my job.  Recently I was on a plane and saw a Lieutenant Colonel flying with his ACU's on , a passenger in First class offered him his seat and this guy accepted. I was pissed off to say the least. A Lieutenant Colonel with over 15 years in the Army makes well over 110,000 a year, that D Bag can buy a first class ticket if he wants to fly in that fashion. NOTE: Some military personnel are required to travel with their uniform on, so they are an obvious exception, but the rest are assholes.

Does this shit piss anyone else off? If anyone can add to the shit list please I'd love to hear about it.


  1. Solution? wear a trench coat with nothing beneath and get stuck in customs while they perform an anal probe. and miss your flight.

  2. I don't fly much but my last airport experience (before the the TSA bodyscans mind you) was pretty grueling.

    I see your point with the military exploiting free shit but REALLY hate it when the dude sitting next to you sees the iPod headphones in your ear as an opportunity to use/talk on his cell phone forever.

  3. 1. If they travel frequently they hate checking in baggage. They need to get on early to stuff their oversized wheelie/suit-bag into the overhead.

    2. You're projecting.

    3. Yup - fuck 'em. They should put all the old/short/kiddie people at the back of the bus.

    4. You don't look psychotic enough. Nobody ever talks to me.

    5. Never served - but I'd disagree - in a pinch, I'd give up my seat for a serviceman. Plus, it reassures the punters that there's security on board.

  4. I'm always sleeping during the flight and only come around 2 minutes before flights go off, so I never had the time to think about such things or to see them^___^

  5. its tough to have an enjoyable plane ride. following

  6. I'm glad I'm not the only one that felt that damn first class stare of contempt. Also, the bit about people being slow as hell to get out of the plane is so true.

    The worst are Southwest flights. Everyone just goes full retard once the plane touches down.

  7. Here's your joke:::
    Military pilot who had sex with an 11 year-old boy when he was 17!!
    As a child he was an aggressive sexual preditor who violated his brothers whom went on to have homosexual experiences.
    How long did he continue to think about boys when he masterbated??? In basic training? Into his flight training?
    Dave Letterman:::”Creepy rotten grape attached to an otherwise normal group.”
    Joke's on you.