Monday, May 30, 2011

St. Patricks Day 2011

Part 1
March 17th , 2011

I am kicking myself for not writing this story immediately after it happened.  My memory is very fuzzy of the events that occurred that night. I have lost  prospective female friends (booty calls) as a result  of the Facebook posts I made that evening in my drunken stupor. Here's the story.

I was in the process of moving from Fort Bragg North Carolina to Fort Carson Colorado. Prior to my leaving Bragg, I called some female friends of mine that lived in Nashville Tennessee. We made plans to meet up on St. Patricks day in Nashville. Also the Boston Bruins were coincidentally going to be playing the Nashville Predators that night. I am from Boston and although I detest hockey, I love any event that I can act like a drunk retard and get away with it. A bunch of drunk obnoxious Bostonians in a different city acting like dickheads, I knew this night would end in bloodshed and or prison.

The drive to Nashville from Fort Bragg was very uneventful. It was 500 mile of mountains and fucked up reception on the radio. On the way I realized that I didn't have a place to stay that night. I couldn't stay with my friends because they lived 70 passed Nashville, and I found it pointless to drive through Nashville and drive back in the morning. So I did what I always do. Searched my phone (with no hands on the wheel) for the cheapest flea bag motel I could find. And boy did I ever find it. Econo lodge downtown Nashville 32 dollars for the night. I should've known from the multiple surveillance cameras that I was in for a shit storm. When I entered my room the smell of cigarette smoke hit me like a punch in the face (even though I specifically asked for a non smoking room ). The comforter had multiple cigarette burns in it and it smelled like a hobo's ass. When I walked to the window to draw the shades I noticed  three shady gentleman standing not 100 feet away from my car in the parking. Not to sound like a dick but I drive a Mercedes Benz which stood out amongst the late 80's to 90's Toyota corollas in the parking lot. This was concerning to me. Not because of forth coming violence but because I happen to like my car. I'm a highly trained Special Forces soldier, I would have no problem gunning down three gang bangers if it were necessary. The streets would be safer without them , but I digress.  I intentionally walked out of my room and walked to my car. With them onlooking I took my Glock 22 out of my glove compartment loaded a magazine and chambered a round. I returned to my room. After the three S's , I laid in the rats nest that was my bed and immediately started scratching. Now I don't know much about bed bugs , but it freaked me the fuck out. So I ended up spending a sleepless night on a chair with my legs perched up on the table, still ever vigilant and aware of the 3 crackheads in the parking the lot.

I ended up meeting my friends at their hotel room the next morning around noon We were decked out in green and drinking four loko's like they were about to be discontinued ( oh wait they are ).  We hit our first bar around 1pm. People were staring at us the entire time. I'm assuming it was because of all of the green shit we were wearing.  I just stared back at them with contempt. They were weird for not wearing green I mean it was St. Patricks day. Around 2pm I was already eight 7&7's deep. My friends we'll call them Peaches and Reggie grew up with me and despite not having spent much time with me in the last 8 years , they knew that a disaster was forth coming if I didn't slow the flow of alcohol down my gullet (run on sentence FML). But they know I can hold my own and I'm not afraid of a prison fight.

We spent the next few hours bar hopping and listening to the various country bands that were playing pretty  much everywhere. I do have to say that these bands were all pretty amazing. It's no bullshit when they say the best country music comes from Nashville. All the while I fell into a whiskey soaked haze. Around 7pm my friends and I decided to walk across the street to the Bruins game. We didn't have tickets , so I loudly announced to no one in particular that I would handle the buying of the tickets. Seeing how drunk I was my friends looked on, fully expecting me to receive a fist to the head instead of tickets. We needed 9 tickets and I low balled the shit out of the filthy scalpers on the streets. They all turned me down and one even threatened to fight me.

Me: Fuck you motherfucker! Ill smash ya over your head with your house.

I said that and pointed at a trash can.  My friends were laughing hysterically not because it was a funny a joke, but because I was so shitfaced, I was trying to lift the can and because it was an awful joke. They whisked me away when an officer of the law took notice. We entered the packed stadium and Reggie immediately almost got into a fight with a girl and her boyfriend. I'm not known for being diplomatic , so I took it upon myself to intervene. I was a little more tactful this time around.  He weighed 350 pounds and was not in the best of cardiovascular shape. I weigh 225 and I'm very good shape. Whether I can fight when my BAC is pushing .30 is completely justifiable to question , but he didn't know that. I placed my hand on his shoulder turn him around.

Me: Dude, back the fuck off before I stomp your fat ass in front of your girlfriend.

He did what every guy does. He backed away without saying anything and started talking shit when he was a safe distance from me. Luckily for him , I have the memory of a goldfish when I drink , so he was a distant memory and there were more good times to be had. We ended up sitting in the nose bleed section. But I didn't care, it was more about heckling the Nashville fans than anything. Also we were located not far from the beer cart. I was double fisting Miller Lite tall boys for the rest of the night. The Nashville fans sitting around us were actually good sports and the heckling went both ways all in good nature. The Bruins ended up losing 4-3 and I completely blacked out as a result of 6 tall boys. Part 2 is coming soon , all of which I had to piece together from my friends account of what transpired that night. It involves fights, alcohol , sex  and IV's. It sounded like the best night of my life... Im pissed I can't remember it.

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