Monday, October 25, 2010

Laptops in Starbucks : Fucking up my day

October 25, 2010

Every now and again I go to Starbucks to grab a sandwich and a coffee for lunch. Finding an open seat in Starbucks is like finding an open chair in a free blowjob contest sponsored by Victoria Secret. It doesn't happen. Why do you think that is? It's because of the D-bags that sit in Starbucks all day typing away on their laptops and consuming all of the free air their uppity lungs can get their hands on. Still don't know who I'm talking about , allow me to paint you a picture:

This person has no muscle tone. This is due to a lack of activity and a vegan , gluten free diet. This person wears wire frame glasses. This person enjoys a good pair of slacks with a like colored shirt. If this person wears jeans they are purchased at the Gap or Banana Republic. They are straight leg, slim fit. No boot cut jeans for this person. This person is always carrying a backpack with a half full Nalgene bottle in the outer pocket. If this person is not carrying a backpack he is carrying his shoulder slung laptop bag. This person has a vague job title most likely a consultant. But we all know he really doesn't do anything and this person contributes nothing to society. If this person is  not a consultant then he's an 8th year 30 + year old college student that is studying philosophy.

I think at this point you have a good idea of who I'm talking about. I think these people need attention. They crave it by showing their cool laptops in public. Their excuse is my roommates are too loud and this is the only place I can concentrate. Your apartment is too loud? Your roommates loud Fiona Apple playlist is distracting you? Well how about a loud coffee shop that is always packed and where you're interrupted by an annoyed barista who wants that table for patrons that are willing to spend more than 2.99. I would gladly pay 100 dollars to anyone willing to take a dump on one of these laptops and close the lid. Oh and you don't have to worry about physical confrontation, these people are almost certainly pacifists.

1 comment:

  1. Ill do it, ill be expecting my hundred dollars via check.

    ReplyDelete